An Owlish Love Failure

A month after appointing the first ever vampire psychiatrist part-time in the castle, Uncle Dracula decided to provide him with only the second appointment of his vampire career, to treat the Vampire Owl and get him out of his depression with the support of Vampire Bat. After all, the situation in the other world was rather threatening and he needed all the help that he could manage to get.

Vampire Owl: I am feeling a certain amount of panic. Is this the panic room? Then why is it that Jodie Foster never came? Is it because she is not acting much now? She was there in Elysium, right?

Uncle Dracula [while leaving]: See, this is why we need immediate treatment. If you need anything, ask the Vampire Bat. I will be outside letting others know that he has lost his mind, and getting more of the team here for support.

Psychiatrist: Okay, you can start now, Mr. Vampire Owl.

Vampire Owl: I waited for an eternity, but she never came. Her neighbour and best friend told me otherwise, but she never really came.

Psychiatrist: Okay, I completely understand the feeling. So, you just had a love failure. I have treated many such cases.

Vampire Owl: No, there is more than that. It is a long story. I am writing a book “An Owlish Love Failure: The Autobiography of a Missing Vampire Owl“. Can I talk about it in detail?

Psychiatrist: Yes, but please try to make it as short as possible. It is a topic of interest, but I have things to do.

Vampire Owl: It was the best time of my life, and I was only getting more and more awesome. Do you know how much I have tried? Do you even realize how far I have gone? I jumped into the five oceans, put my head into a werewolf’s lair, stole a plate of brain biriyani from a zombie, leaped in front of speeding centaurs, kicked a high elf on his head, took some necromanium from the necrons, tried to murder the immortals, called a witch a lich, mocked a satyr when he was training…

Psychiatrist: So, you were trying to find your lost love by going through such acts of high valour. You must be an extremely brave man.

Vampire Bat: Don’t you still get it? He was trying to commit suicide. He is talking about Lady Death, the personification of mortality’s dead end.

Psychiatrist: What? I am someone who can play with vampire minds. I know everything. Why do you think that you can advice me?

Vampire Bat: Because I am waiting in the queue. After you finish with him, you have to treat me.

Psychiatrist: Why? What is your problem? Are you all completely crazy?

Vampire Bat: I am in love with death’s evil twin sister. I am also waiting for love. So may be, you should treat me too.

Psychiatrist: I think that there is the need for shock treatment. I will just call the guards and deal with this in an easier way.

Vampire Bat: In that case, I would like to remind you of something. There is a fact which you need to know about. Our stories are incomplete. It will only be complete with the return of Lady Death and her evil twin sister. But there is something about yours. It will be complete soon enough. Do you want to hear a funny fact? The guards are not here at this time; their chapters are also closed for now.

Psychiatrist: What do you mean? This is rather strange.

Vampire Owl: It is us who will close your story. Do you remember what you did to the last vampire who came to you for treatment? Can you recollect how many normal people you have declared mentally unstable? You do have a short memory, and we are here to remind you. We shall give you the reminder that you are fake.

Psychiatrist: No, wait! I declare you all mentally unstable! I play with human minds, and I am going to venture into the subconscious, unconscious…

Vampire Owl: Stay unconscious, as the story continues. This part of the program is sponsored by the vampire team.

[Power failure]

Voices: This is why we bite people! All hail the team!

Uncle Dracula: Make sure that you don’t finish his story; keep it incomplete. There might be some scope for the future.

***The images used in this blog post are from the Official Facebook Page of the movie, Hotel Transylvania.

TeNy