Count Fantastic-o-Dracul-a

Vampire Owl: Greetings, my dear vampire apprentices. I have just come back from the dead. Well, it is one of the advantages of being immortal; you never really die even when you forget the conditions of the immortality pact. As I am back again, we are going to have one of those special classes right now, and today’s subject is “Count Fantastic-o-Dracul-a”, and it is from a work which I have written along with the Vampire Bat who happens to be my co-author for many tales of vampirism. There will be the need to remember this for two papers, and so be careful because the class will determine how much you will score for the examinations. By the end of this class, you will surely get to understand how great the achievements of Uncle Dracula have been. Any questions?

Vampire Penguin: Sir, when is the break? Is it after half an hour?

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Vampire Owl: There will be no break and no more questions. Lets get back to the work. As you know, it is a great work, as I am the one who wrote it. It has been selected for the Vampire Booker Prize as well as the Vampire Academy Special Prize. It deals with the great vampire saga of Uncle Dracula, or Count Fantastico who skillfully created an illusion of death when stabbed through the heart by those miserable humans, and continued to serve the world.

Vampire Crocodile: They still think that Uncle Dracula is dead? How ridiculous!

Vampire Penguin: I believe that most of them think that he never really existed. Can you believe it?

Vampire Owl: There are rather too many things that the evil humans believe. They have manipulated the story of Dracula trying to buy a small amount of land with a house in a rich, capitalist neighbourhood and depicted him as a demon. In his story with himself as the hero, they have made him the villain. The true villain was always Abraham Van Helsing, and it was Jonathan Harker who is responsible for spreading all those rumours which lead to this villain being termed a hero. The only thing that Dracula tried to do is to save Lucy Westenra and Mina Murray who were controlled by these people. For this, they have destroyed the letters and diary entries written by Dracula which they managed to steal, and created their own versions.

Vampire Crow: This is quite depressing, you know.

Vampire Owl: Yes, but after creating that illusion of his death, Dracula thrived. He traveled all around the world, living most of his time in exile at the villages of different Asian nations, helping people and teaching them how to protect themselves from the evil like Abraham Van Helsing and his dangerous minions. They were the ones to call him Fantastico for the very first time. He taught them that they had to stand for their rights or all that they will have might be a knife or a stake through the heart this day or the other. He recruited his first disciple and the new master of dark arts, Vampire Bat during his visit to the South of India.

Vampire Penguin: So, the rumours were indeed true.

Vampire Owl: Yes, he also attained spiritual enlightenment during his travel through the Himalayas. The truth is that there is no mountain in the world which he hasn’t visited, and there is no river which he hasn’t crossed. He has been a true traveler on Earth, as he has provided the humans with information as well as wisdom during his journeys. He has also indirectly played a huge role in stopping the two world wars, especially the second. But the humans will never know it, and the ones who realize that will try to hide that information because Dracula will always be an outsider to them.

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Vampire Crow: I seriously don’t understand why the humans are so mean.

Vampire Crocodile: They have always done that; often appreciating people only according to the religion, caste, ethnicity and region. There is no universal brotherhood among them, and unlike us, they are not one – so they are surely not going to accept one of us as we are twice the outsiders.

Vampire Penguin: Yes, they only like me because I am white. Otherwise, they would have asked me to return after trying Fair and Lovely.

Vampire Crow: What? Why would you even say that now?

Vampire Owl: You just note these things down and think about how and why Uncle Dracula needs to be known as Count Fantastico, the man who has no match in his greatness. The better you understand his qualities, the more you can score in the examinations. I can provide you with an extra photostat versions so that you can deal with the one word questions better – there will be ten of them from outside the syllabus. The top scorer in this subject will get a special prize from Uncle Dracula himself. It is something called the Golden Medal of Imperial Blood.

***The images used in this blog post are from the Official Facebook Page of the movie, Hotel, Transylvania.

This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

TeNy

Absence of Thinking

The easiest thing to do in the world is to imitate without thinking. A few months ago, when the movie Premam released a few months ago, people were praising it so much, and overrating the movie just came naturally to them. Later, when they got bored, they started abusing the movie in the name of corrupting the youth. Now, they are abusing it because another movie, Ennu Ninte Moideen has released. The truth is that none of these activities make any sense.

Unfortunately, this is how some people work. One person come with something and creates many fake accounts to post the same thing everywhere; then most of the people just follow it without thinking. This is mostly initiated by fan-boys. This imitation of others is caused by people having no opinion by themselves. They will think as if this is the new trend, as everyone is saying that this new movie is good and the other old one is bad, it will go like this: “I will just follow the same even though I had earlier said that the other old movie was awesome”.

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This comes as no surprise at all, because people change their colours so easily. They are always looking for a chance to degrade something or the other. They come up with many dumb reasons, and there is rarely any sense in it, because they are the same people who had said the exact opposite some time ago. In a few months, they will get another movie or person to love or hate. It is depressing that the educated people who use Facebook degrade to such a situation and fall into the traps set by fan-boys.

The biggest shame is that even the words used to do this remains the same. One day, one movie is “art” and when another one comes, these people showers abuse on the movie and praises the new one. Sometimes, it is the other way around. One has to wonder who creates fake profiles in Facebook and comes up with one trend or the other. Some people try to say that they are speaking for everyone and they know everything, but unfortunately for them, there is a huge community who don’t post in pathetic communities, and they know the truth.

Then there is the spread of hatred towards people. They call everyone names for no real reason. Sometimes the good people wonder where these guys find these names, and the reasons which make no sense One has to wonder where they find so much of such evil- is it from home itself? Do their parents teach to hate or is it just inherited from the friends? Finding hatred is easier, but the realization of the truth that people find so much time in hate is depressing.

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May be most of the people don’t post and don’t like these posts can choose not to watch the movie supported by the maniacs who abuse. Their favourite stars could also be avoided, and then the superstars will tell their fans and fan clubs not to be abusive. They will have to listen to their favourite stars, right? May be they can use another title for the favourite movies of their superstars – Lies, Hate and Abuse; it is what they do. Their superstars can use the titles to their advantage because it is truth and people will instantly believe it.

The absence of brain is clearly evident in those posts. With mutual respect dead, is there any chance of nice comments from these people? Not anytime soon, I guess. But if movies are said to corrupt the youth, may be it is about some of these celebrities of whom these people are fans of. Will there be equality as long as there are blind fans? Superstars are created and so are the junior superstars. The people with real acting skills won’t be there to found. Whose fault is that? Those who imitate others and hate or love things like everyone else do?

***The images used in this blog spot are from the Official Facebook Page of the movie Premam.

TeNy

What Do We Know?

There has been no shortage of newspapers in the vampire world which were smuggled through the portal to the other realm. One of them had the attention of Dracula who decided to teleport himself to the land of the humans, where the Vampire Bat awaited his arrival. “What is it about this India Today Woman Summit and what is this thing about women wanting to be treated specially or equally? What is wrong with these humans and what is it that these people require?” Dracula wondered. A certain understanding was reached with five situations at five different places.

They first stopped at a village where a woman was looking to keep her second child after losing the first one to female foeticide forced upon her by the relatives of her husband. She had her own doubts about this one too, and had left the house. Dracula refused to believe such incidents happening during this modern age and wondered if they had used the time machine instead of the teleportation device, but the Vampire Bat assured him that it is the right device, and to make sure about the same, pressed the button again to instantly teleport them to another location.

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The device re-appeared at another location and it crashed into the garden of a house. They were quick to hide the machine and listened to the conversation going on inside home. While leaving, Dracula asked “Why should this girl stay with the idiot who is not worthy of marriage? Just because he is rich and has good looks, why should she tolerate this egoistic maniac? This is ridiculous”. “I would blame the parents in this case. They are always looking for the rich men from reputed families and not men with character. Some idiots think that a job with high salary and family reputation means everything” said the Vampire Bat.

The repaired device stopped at the top of an Airtel mobile tower. They looked around with their exaggerated visions to notice two separate incidents, one where a girl was stalked by three men, and another where four men were acquitted by the court nearby as the accusation on them for molestation was wrong. “This is rather confusing. Which one is real? One of them is an illusion, right?” asked Dracula. “Both are real. There are just good men and women and then there are the evil ones” replied the Vampire Bat. “It is just not that simple as it is in the vampire world. Humans are too unpredictable” he added.

“See that one on the left side!” the Vampire Bat screamed. Dracula turned around to see a man yelling about shortage of dowry. “That idiot! I don’t understand why the families get the women to marry these men who ask for money. There is no favour being done here, and marriage is not about saving the girl. They should say no to the men who ask dowry, no matter what he has to offer. This is not love, but an insult to women. It is a shame that they even give dowry for love marriages” said Dracula. “I have told you many times that these humans are strange. Even most of the good men don’t have the right to choose what to study and whom or when to marry” said the Vampire Bat.

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They rested under a tree behind a stage on which a lady was speaking about why all men are evil and how they should leave the women alone to achieve what they have always wanted. They remembered that the same lady had asked for more reservations for women in various fields along with some special treatment at another venue. She had also asked for hatred against men. “Who is she?” Dracula asked. “It is a human thing. They don’t really know what they want, but they find ways to hate each other every day. She is just a very good contributor in one particular field. The religion and caste based hate fields are more popular” the Vampire Bat replied.

“Forget them. Nobody has any idea. At least do you actually know what you want?” Dracula asked. “I don’t know it either. But I have understood that there will never be true equality unless everyone tries to achieve it, stopping the discrimination on the basis of not just sex, but also social status, caste, religion, community, money, race, language and everything else which divides the world including the extremities of nationalism” said the Vampire Bat. “I am delighted to know that you are thinking exactly the same way as I have been directing my thoughts” said Dracula as he disappeared into the shadows.

I’m blogging for the India Today Woman Summit 2015 #WomenPower activity at BlogAdda.

***The images used in this blog post are from the Official Facebook Page of the movie, Hotel Transylvania.

TeNy

Hero of the Missed Call

He had absolutely no idea why he had to do that. They said that he was selected by fate to be the hero and had to do this so that the government will learn a lesson about what happens when the demands of the leading extremist faction is rejected. They wanted a new nation out of the middle part of the existing country and they said that it was the right demand and it was also the perfect result for the people. Yes, questioning wasn’t natural for them.

“Do I really have to do that?” he asked as he chatted through Skype on his mobile.

“Yes, you have to, and you are the one selected to do that. There will be no change of plans. We always stick to what we decide together. You need to make a discovery of your faith in us and go on. You are going to be a great hero” answered the man wearing the black mask.

“But it is too extreme even for the extremist standards. So many people will die and it will be recorded in history an act of extreme cruelty” he hesitated and added.

“They have only themselves to blame. You know what all plans they have been making. We are going to be declared a terrorist faction soon. Do you know what they call me? The Black Mask. Seriously? Who do they think they are? We are just a peaceful extremist group who wants to stop people from enjoying their unnecessary freedom. We just hope to stop them from eating, drinking and wearing what they want. We even work as moral police part-time” said the Black Mask.

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“Yes, it is a terrible name. It is like that of a comic book character. You should be called something more stylish and revolutionary so that when they make statues of you with a covered face, everyone will recognize you” he said.

“You are beginning to become some pain. Forget that. We are going to act against the government’s foolishness, and let them know that we have weapons and are ready to break away from them in any way possible. We will create this new republic out of the blood and scattered body parts of their people” the Black Mask didn’t forget to add extra power here by punching the table.

“But we are one nation as of now. Their people is our people. We are one nation as we know it and this would only mean that we killed our countrymen” he said while hoping for something better.

“Yes, but we get the votes only by spreading hatred. An act of violence is a boost to that hatred and will accelerate our demands. This nation has no more scope for our extremism. So we will start a new nation and it will be based on our ideas only with us as the single ruling party” the Black Mask continued.

“We can still win the elections. Can I make the explosion somewhere else, may be at a place where nobody is around so that it can go off as a warning?” he pleaded.

“You know what you need to do. As I said, you need to discover your faith in us. This discovery will only be made if you adhere to our principles. You need to obey. You need to make one missed call to the mall where we have kept the explosives from the distance which I have mentioned. It will trigger the explosives there. You will be our hero and this is you last chance” yelled the Black Mask.

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“Well, do you know that a quarter of the explosives are left behind at your home on the left of where I am standing now?” he asked.

“Wait! What? Why are you here? You are not supposed to be here. You should be blasting that mall and bringing us glory” the scared Black Mask moved away from the window.

“I am here to say farewell, and wishing you best of luck in hell. Good luck with your discovery between the flames and by the side of the Devil” he shouted.

He walked back after pressing the button, happier than ever. He was never this happy to have broken the trust of someone, and this was completely worth it. The explosion behind him never really caught his attention because he wondered what was to happen next. He wondered how good spirituality will turn out to be in this age. He had actually begun his discovery.

“I guess I am still a hero; the hero of the missed call.” he murmured.

***The images used in this blog post are just random photos of mobile phones which were taken by me.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

TeNy

The Unsent Letter

Vampire Owl: My dear vampire apprentices, in this class, it is my honour and great privilege to read this letter which was written by the Vampire Bat to Uncle Dracula when he was a little fang-less one, but was never sent. This comes as a part of the second semester Part IV paper twenty four. There will be annotation questions coming from this one. So, please listen carefully.

Dear Dracula Uncle,

I have read and understood how badly the humans have written about you or have shown on the big screen and made your kind the monsters when they were the actual monsters. It is sad and depressing that you made the wrong decision to shift from Romania. The world has too many racists among them who can’t approve of someone who is classified as “the other” with them. You were too kindhearted and simple, and never knew about that.

The only thing that you ever wanted was to shift from your very old castle and at the same time, go to a place which was known to be civilized. But you were unaware of the ways of the modern humans as you remained dead for so long, and the dirt told you no stories. You were new to this world after your resurrection and even Igor was a confused man. You picked the wrong assistant and that was another mistake.

The Vampire Cat is the first witness to this letter.

The Vampire Cat is the first witness to this letter, and even tried to eat it.

But when you reached the so called civilized, you understood that “being civilized” is not achieved by money and random education. It requires true knowledge and wisdom and a certain amount of empathy for the fellow creatures. But human beings never had that and couldn’t adjust to your basic sympathetic nature. You tried to help Lucy Westenra, but as she was an aristocrat and you were an outsider, they made up a story that she was ill due to your bite when the truth was that she was already ill.

The man behind her problem was Dr. John Seward, who was very depressed that Lucy turned him down and decided to marry Arthur. He was slowly but steadily making Lucy sick and was also looking to make his patient Renfield feel as if some big evil was coming – he knew that you could understand the major reason behind her illness with your special powers as he had known about you from some gypsies from Eastern Europe.

Then he called for this man called Abraham Van Helsing, a Dutch doctor who had taken fake degrees from different universities, and was trying to make a name for himself. He was known to murder poor people and brand them as vampires, collecting big bounty from the rich ones. He also treated many people for vampirism, when there was no presence of such disease in them. A wolf attack was also attributed to you, at a time when the group of werewolves were just going on biting people for no reason.

Ezhilampala where the Vampire Bat used to reside.

Ezhilampala where the Vampire Bat used to reside and he even learned its scientific name.

Then there were the Harkers – Jonathan Harker and Mina Harker, earlier Mina Murray. They were big liars and as this man had described about the Dracula Castle to this lady, she wanted it as a wedding gift. You were a Count by name only, and used to be basically just a farmer who led many socialist movements at your land, and the authorities never really liked you either. So they teamed up with the Harkers to create such a story which depicted you as pure evil.

I know that they tried to end you, but as we all know, a vampire can be defeated, but cannot be destroyed as long as we have our team. I shall find you with the help of my vampire friends and resurrect you again, as we know the secret of your eternal youth. We shall undo the wrong that has been done to you, and let the humans know who their real enemies are. They are corruption, misogyny, racism, casteism and religious intolerance. You shall be back and we will find a way for getting the humanity out of its inherent evil.

With bloody love,
The Vampire Bat.
Tree Branch No. 3, Ezhilampala (Alstonia scholaris), Somewhere near the Athirappilly Waterfalls, Kerala, India.

***All the photos used in this blog post were taken by me on my Sony Cybershot DSC-W310.

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TeNy

Littering in the Moonlight

The vampires were having a tough discussion just outside the Dracula Castle, as the Vampire Bat, the Vampire Owl and the Vampire Snake were present with Uncle Dracula.

“No, not even in the moonlight, said Uncle Dracula. “You are not even supposed to litter in the sunlight, and then how can you litter in the awesome moonlight which is more precious to us vampires?” asked Dracula.

“But it was the Halloween moonlight with cool vampire people all around, and I was drunk. Really, really drunk” said the Vampire Snake.

“He is a snake with special venomous spit superpower. Even if he doesn’t throw waste around, how can you ask him not to spit?” asked the Vampire Owl.

“Because all of you have taken the pledge to keep the Dracula Castle and its premises clean. Being drunk is not an excuse. Nothing is an excuse” screamed Dracula.

“But the Mummy spat over that tree on the side of the road, and you don’t want to know what the local werewolves do. The ghosts of the living dead did something even worse” said the Vampire Snake.

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“They do not belong to the vampire category, and won’t come under me. The Mummy is level three desert catgeory. They don’t even come inside the castle. Our current collaboration is with the zombies. Cleanliness begins at home. This is our vampire ancestral home. Do you understand the highly intellectual and vampirically superior words of unlimited wisdom which come out of my mouth?” yelled Dracula.

“Yes, listen to Uncle Dracula. If he raises his blood pressure too much at this age, we might have no uncle, and I might inherit this castle. I will end up being so rich and may be construct a tennis court on the front right corner and the statue of myself holding a tea cup on the left side” added the Vampire Bat.

“What? Wait, no. I am not raising my blood pressure. I am just asking this new vampire apprentice whom you brought from that local tea shop to behave and be a good citizen rather than being a Great Litterburg” said Dracula.

“But I promise not to litter again” said the Vampire Snake.

“See, he is a good vampire apprentice” added the Vampire Bat.

“Or I shall feed him to the snakes in the pond” threatened Dracula.

“But he is the Vampire Snake. What is the point in putting him with normal snakes?” asked the Vampire Owl.

“Oh, yes. I meant the crocodiles. Those little crocodiles that I have like the early villains of cinema. I will throw him to the crocodile pound and clap once, laughing loudly like an awesome villain. Damn, I am really getting old; my memory is failing me” Dracula made it clear.

“Thank you, great old vampire lord” said the Vampire Snake while taking a bow.

“See, this is why I bite people. Always use the trash can. Littering is bad. By doing such things, you are working against the environment as well as your nation. And for the sake of each and every living vampire, please don’t spit” advised Dracula.

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“As if he doesn’t already have enough reasons” murmered the Vampire Owl.

“I have heard that he is going to act in a commerical against drinking and smoking, plus supporting care for stray dogs by making them join the werewolves. He is into social causes now” whispered the Vampire Bat.

“We were never the real villains, right?” asked the Vampire Owl.

“Why? No, never. We are not even remotely evil; just see these litterbugs and the rest of the minions of the real dark world. Uncle Dracula can’t even fly around in the invisible mode these days with people leople littering from their vehicles” added the Vampire Bat.

“We vampires realize this. When will the humans understand the same?” wondered the Vampire Owl.

This blog post at The Tea Cerebrations is for the Happy Hours Campaign from The Times of India in association with Indiblogger. It is written as a part of TOI’s “The Great Indian”, a humorous initiative for a better India; this time on “The Great Indian Litterbug” who considers littering as a birth right – the kind of people that we see almost everywhere in India. Please check the following link for further details of this funny and thought-provoking campaign: http://greatindian.timesofindia.com/

*The images used in this blog post are from the official Facebook Page of The Great Indian, meant to support this work.

TeNy