Newspaper of the Day

Newspapers have been with mostly unpleasant or depressing news, and it is usually not the best idea to read them. It is more of a source of demotivation and plays an interesting role in bringing sadness. The good news is no different, especially with certain newspapers which keep talking about the Bollywood news in particular. May be there are people who want to know what the celebrities love, want to do, who they wish to marry and what food they have. But it is never something of a true reader’s concern. So, here is the ideal news instead, even though these might never happen.

“The world finally decides to become one”
Zurich: After many hours long discussion, the world leaders finally decided to open the borders to create a world without walls. This was the result of the ever increasing refugee crisis and the mutual hatred in the name of nationalism and patriotism. With the atrocities committed in the name of patriotism becoming equal to terrorism, the leaders have decided to make it one big nation for humans where equality thrived. With most of the world leaders agreeing to this, it is expected that the others will also follow.

It is never right about limiting people to nations; humanity should be free.

“Scientists take a u-turn to save the world”
Copenhagen: There has been a big twist, and a strong decision was taken on this day during the final day of the conference of scientists today, as a stand was taken to prevent any research on weapons, after the leaders decided to break down the walls. All other researches were also to be put on hold until the medical care was developed to its maximum and until there was provisions to save enough food for the poor. “There is enough to feed the poor, but we just never care about it in the arms and space race and competition between the nations to prove who is better”, one of them was quoted saying.

“Nobody cares about the personal lives of celebrities”
Trivandrum: Frustrated by the news about celebrities whom they don’t even know or care about having a dog, drinking Pepsi, not liking another celebrity, going on a trip to Somalia, having a stomach upset, buying a new mobile phone, getting a haircut and many other things, movie fans decided to start a movement against what they called a case of pure nonsense. “May be they can reduce the price of the newspapers as they get rid of this nonsense which nobody wants to read” one of the fans were quoted saying. The fans are also trying to take the movement into the social media.

There are darker clouds which need attention instead of focusing on the ridiculous.

“India wins the FIFA World Cup”
Cochin: In a big twist which nobody had expected, India defeated Netherlands and has managed to win the FIFA World Cup, thanks to the last minute goal during the second half of the extra time from Sushanth Mathew assisted by Sandesh Jhingan. After two tough halfs which saw extremely strong defence which prevented the Dutch from scoring, the first half of the extra time almost saw Netherlands making it if it wasn’t for the crossbar. But in the 120th minute of the game, one goal sealed the game making sure that there was no need for the penality shootout.

“T20 matches banned along with IPL”
Mumbai: In an attempt to bring quality back to cricket, BCCI decided to ban T20 matches which goes along with its previous decision to ban IPL after taking into consideration, the amount of corruption involved in it. The best players of the times are already parts of too many cases of match-fixing, and this decision should have come earlier – many fans were heard saying. BCCI thus becomes the last cricket board of a test playing nation to ban T20 and has decided to stop playing T20 with the non-test playing nations because the regular members were not available.

“Roger Federer becomes the oldest player to win a Grandslam”
London: It has been a long time since he won a Grand Slam at his favourite surface, and he once again reached the final. He had lost a good number of finals earlier, but not this time, as he managed to go through his nemesis, Novak Djokovic after one of the longest tennis matches in a Grand Slam final. After losing the first two sets 5-7 and 4-6, Federer managed to win the next two by tie-breaks 7-6(13) and 7-6(16). The last set went on, and finally Federer had the last laugh with two SABR attacks in a row to break the man in form. Final score was 5-7, 4-6, 7-6(13), 7-6(16), 18-16.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

***The images used in this blog post were taken by me.

TeNy

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Simona Times: Edition III

***Kitty Newspaper from the Cat World lead by Simona the little big cat.

Simona calls for cat participation in Badminton.
On one of those joint session among cats, dogs and humans, Simona said that she had enough of this discrimination. Humans play Badminton and dogs get to retreive the shuttle. She demanded that the cats be allowed to keep the shuttle, and it is how they can also participate in this game. She also showed proof that Badminton had its real origins in 2322 BC when a villager saw two cats playing with a dead mouse. “But it was soon forgotten because humans are good at pretending that they don’t remember”, she said. “After all, only what the rich do will get all the attention” she further complained. The dogs have decided to support this under condition that they get the right to fetch everything during all games.

I declare this as my property. Nobody touches this except me 😀

Local cats file complaint about the black dog.
“What is wrong with that dog?” a lot of cats have asked the same question. The big black dog which chases everything has become a big nuisance not only for the cats, but also for the humans. The cats say that the dog even chases other dogs and needs to be dealt with. They have also asked for installing security cameras on the road side to make sure that they all get to know the right dog and bring it before the law. Secret cat squads have been assigned the task of saving others from this mystery dog about which nobody knows anything. There are already talks about it being a dangerous hellhound coming from the underworld, but the cat intellectuals have denied it completely.

Let the sleeping cats rest, says Simona.
Simona told the press about how annoying some of the humans are, with no concern for the others. When the cats only sleep about twenty hours a day, humans are wandering around everywhere disturbing the highly intellectual sleeping procedure that the cats follow. “What is it with these humans? Why do they put the music in high volume and disturb even the people living at the nearby houses?” she asked. She also told the press that the humans haven’t been getting any better. But cats have always protected the humans from the evil forces from the other dimensions, she asserted. “The protection from the mice is just one of the things that we do” she said.

I like to sleep like I always sleep, because it is the main program 😀

Cats go crazy over Catwoman choices.
Uknown sources report a series of fights among the cats over who the better Catwoman is. Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry and Anne Hathaway were the choices, as some of the cats were seen fighting last on the sunshade of an abandoned house. But this report was declared rubbish by Simona who made it clear that cats don’t need a Catwoman to show that they are awesome, even though they appreciated the fact that they also get the equal treatment when little insects like spiders and ants got their own superheroes too. Simona has also said that she is ready to play the role of Catwoman if the situation demanded. She did suggest that Womancat was a better title too.

Cat transport should develop more, adds Simona.
During the press conference about the sleeping cats, Simona also asserted that the necessary steps should be taken to make sure that the feline gets the advantanges of good transportation facilities. Nowadays, cats have developed into a superior species and they will requre a lot of traveling to display their skills. But due to the heavy traffic on the roads, and some hostile humans, it has been too difficult. She has asked the Ministry of Road Transport and Highways to provide the cats with a separate route or free travel in at least few of the cars, buses and trucks on the top. The betterment of the cat citizens meant the development of the nation as a whole, she said.

Start the car, my dear human. Lets go and have some fish for lunch 😉

Ban Cats and Dogs; Team Cat Power asks.
The new radical kittenist group, Team Cat Power asks for banning both Cats and Dogs and its sequel Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore because both of them shows cats in a bad light, and hails dogs as heroes. The group has send a message to the humans that they will know the value of cats after being bitten by stray dogs. “The negative reviews for the sequel was just the beginning of the end for such discrimination, and we are thankful to the human reviewers who voted agains that movie” the leader of the group added. But they have not backed away from the protests, and are planning to do strike on the sunshades of random houses.

Is the Cheshire Cat Day a possibility?
26th November was the day on which Alice in Wonderland was published by the English writer Charles Dodgson under the pseudonym Lewis Carroll. But the cats basically know only one person from that novel because they have never cared about the other characters in the work. The big grin has been considered as a classic moment and something of great glory for the cats all around the globe. So, the cats are busy campaigning for this big day to be declared as the official Cheshire Cat Day in honour of the greatest cat character in the history of literature as they see it. They have often compared Cheshire Cat to the status of something similar to Dracula among vampires.

***The images used in this blog post were taken by me on my Asus Zenfone 5.

TeNy

Simona Times: Edition II

***Kitty Newspaper from the Cat World lead by Simona the little big cat.

Simona tells the press about what she should be called.
Throughout the press meet, she was called Simona the Kitty, and the Little One and it didn’t go well with the self-proclaimed grown up cat. Simona has told the journalists that it has been very difficult being called little one, kitten or kitty. It makes her feel very small and she doesn’t want to considered the little one by both humans and cats. As she is still not that big enough, she has accepted to be called Simona the little big cat, instead of Simona the kitty. She has informed the different cat groups and organizations to accept that change. A number of other cats have also asked for similar things to be added to their names as the trend has already started.

Simona stares at a journalist who calls her the cute little Simona kitty.

Remake Drishyam for cats; movie loving felines file petition.
There are a good number of movie loving cats in this world, and the same has been proven by a new gang of cats. The petition was initiated by Simona who gave them that idea, and she has also promised moral support for the same. All the cats have heard about Drishyam so many times until the recent Hindi remake and know that there are five versions of the same, which has inspired them to ask for another version for the cats. The interesting thing about this exclusive news is that some of the big cats like lions, tigers, jaguars, leopards, cheetahs and cougars have also decided to sign the petition if their smaller feline brothers and sisters can bring it to the wilderness and the zoos. The cinema lovers have expressed satisfaction over the fantastic response.

Cat gang asks for the title, the Spider-Slayer.
Simona has just recently finished murdering one hundred insects in total, out of which, fifty percent are spiders. She has displayed special skills in catching spiders, cockroaches and even lizards, even though humans have rarely recognized it. Due to the same reason, she has asked for the title, the Spider-Slayer and a memento in the shape of a tuna or sardine to be provided to the cats thanking them for their service. She has shown the statistics that the number of spiders and cockroaches in households has reduced significantly, and lizards have mostly boycotted homes because of the cat efforts. She asks humans to show some appreciation for the free service that they are receiving.

Cats demand special ships to the United States.
There is no other cat who has been loved by the cats of the area than the Grumpy Cat whom they address as Sir Tardar Sauce. Yesterday, a number of cats gathered outside the town hall and demanded for special ships for them to see their hero and demigod. They have also asked for a special subsidy for the same, as this journey also has a certain religious and educational significance. A lot of cats have also decided to learn sculpture so that an image of the great celebrity cat could be created for them. They have threatened the Municipal Chairman that they will talk about this to his wife who is a big animal lover having two cats at her ancestral home.

Lift the ban, asks a furious Simona.
A very angry Simona and her followers disrupted the monthly cat meetings today, hearing news about the porn ban as prawn ban. She said that just like there was news about beef ban at some part of the countrty, the anti-cat government is intentionally trying to deprive the cats off their food items. She added that if the cat-kind won’t protest right now, the next ban will be on chicken and soon they will be left with no option but to eat grass. She said that this is an indirect attack on the cat kind, unlike the direct one which happens in Australia. She has asked for a cat strike, the first feline harthal ever on a day next week. Even after knowing the correct spelling, she has decided to continue with the strike in support of freedom.

Simona’s first expression when she heard that there was a prawn ban.

Cats decide to team up with cows temporarily.
Despite the common disagreement which the two teams have had about banning beef, cats and cows have decided to come up with a union intended for providing cats with fresh milk rather than the packet milk which the humans provide. As the cats demand healthier diet, the cows have agreed to the same because the incidents related to stray dog attacks on the cattle has been very high. A veteran cat team of ten will be assigned to guard each cow. An extension of the same, a certain lower range protection will be given to the bulls who demand the same. The cats hope to come up with similar agreements with buffalloes and goats and are training in special martial arts.

Cat extremists call for a “go back to Persia movement”.
Worried about the rising number of Persian cats in the houses, some of the local cats have called for a “go back to Persia movement” and has said that those humans who don’t like it can also go to Persia. One of the cats were heard quoting “Why are they here? They don’t belong here. We are the true Indian nationalist cats. Some of these cats are even called Himalayan? They can’t do that. The Himalayas belong to us only. They should rename these cats are Damavand, Kholeno or something else”. But Simona has declared these ideas as rubbish, and has told the media that there is no need to listen to these extremists because all cats are equal, it is towards this equality that she and her team has been moving.

***The images used in this blog post were taken by me on my Asus Zenfone 5.

TeNy