The memories go to those diabolical moments a few years back, and there I was caught in a giant web which had more than huge spider supplying dilemma creating a series of more and more complex webs. There was the need to make a choice, but I couldn’t go on with it. My decision making ability had hit some new lows right there, making me wonder if the correct decision could ever be made me with the presence of perpetual doubts which never seemed to end.
It was the time when I was turning into full-time cynic from a part-time doubter. I was caught within the web of BCA which I neither liked or was ever interested in. I never really studied and went to the college very rarely. Even during the classes, I spent too much time on the sleepy side, never really making an attempt to understand anything. It seemed to be an bottomless pit of nothingness where I was staying for almost no reason, and the number of webs were only growing, only to make things worse.
Life was going on and on like nothing really mattered. It was to go on in a never-ending manner in which I was to fail, collect back-papers and keep writing the exams to make it a nice five year plan. I could still not be persuaded to study better. Each and everyday, I would get on my Honda Unicorn or TATA Indica and go all the way to the college travelling those thirteen kilometres for almost no real reason. I even had no good friends and there was absolutely no point of that journey.
One day, when I was doing nothing as usual, and wasting my time as if time and tide waited for me at the bus station, my mother asked me if I really wanted to do this. She added that she should have asked the same question before I joined the course as suggested by some uncles, but that wouldn’t have mattered because her opinion wouldn’t have been of any value. She said that this was the time for me to make a stand.
It was not like I had never made a stand, but I have had the same opinion as my mother, that whatever stand I take, it is not going to change anything in a positive manner. I have had my choices of school, but my opinions were never taken into consideration. The points by some of the relatives and fake friends always made more impact in the decision making at our home. Even for Plus Two, I had wished to take the Humanities group, but I had scored too much to go for what they called the “inferior group”.
So when she said that I should make a decision on this, I didn’t want to do anything other than to stop this ridiculous course which made no sense to me, and with so much less teaching going on and nobody in the class really studying, this was going to bring nothing positive. I decided to end this procedure of a course which was going nowhere. I decided to go to the Mahatma Gandhi University and cancel this course which I did, even as most of my relatives were completely against the idea and wanted me to go on studying this forever until I pass.
I joined BA English after that, and with most of my friends of BCA still trying to clear the exams, she told me that it was the best stand that I had ever taken, and it is the first major positive decision of a great value that I had ever made. It is because of her words of encouragement and support that she had provided, that I was able to change my graduation which had a great influence on my post-graduation, making me want to be that PG graduate rather than go with the flow and reach somewhere not really fitting in.
***The image used in this blog post is from HDFC’s IndiBlogger Campaign Page. The blog post was written as part of the Happy Hours Campaign from HDFC Life in association with IndiBlogger. They have surely managed to come up with one of the best advertisements for their product as you have seen in the video above. Do find some time to check: http://www.hdfclife.com/
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