The Dumb and the Different

***This is an “anger post”, so please be careful while reading this. These types of posts are initiated as a result of watching movies with very high expectations and not getting the needed results. Such posts are rare, but right out the heart without second thoughts, and not suitable for people with the tolerance level of a brainless/braindead zombie always hoping to eat the brains of humans. If you are not such a zombie, please proceed and read. Otherwise, close this tab right now.

Vampire Owl: Is this post brought out of blessings from Werewolf Anger instead of Uncle Dracula?

Vampire Bat: Yes, after watching this movie, Uncle Dracula had to be admitted in the Northern Gothic Infirmary.

Vampire Owl: Oh! I didn’t know that. In that case, please continue! I shall now go and visit him.

I have watched many terrible movies in my life. Just a few days ago, I came across the movie Tamasha on the first day of its release, the first day itself. Even though I liked the idea to be conveyed in the movie, I couldn’t manage to like the movie even a bit just like the others in the theatre, out of which only about ten people could stay until the end of the flick. The movie’s idea, if presented well, could have made it one of the best Bollywood movies of the year, but unfortunately, that was not the case. What I am going to tell you will be easier for you to understand if you watches Malayalam movies. Otherwise, you can either try harder or attempt not to read this.

Another thing about which I wish to be perfectly clear about is that I am not going to accept the comments of the fan-boys and fan-girls here, and I will just talk about what I thought could have been better about this movie and why it needed to do different for me; not for you. I am sure that certain addicted Bollywood fans can make themselves like this one better, and same is the case of the fans of the leading actors. But from a neutral point of you, I will provide my opinion here. If you don’t like it, don’t be a dumb fan and start abuse – choose to be rational. I have waited for the weekend to end before writing this one because I wanted most of you to watch this movie and come to a conclusion. Here are the reasons.

1. Why always the same story?: Well, the first thing I expected here is a complete change of the story, but it wasn’t there. I don’t understand why Bollywood needs to keep bringing the romantic angle into everything. This is once again the guy and girl meeting, singing songs, having dumb fun, leaving to meet again as they wonder what they had/have/will have is love or something else. Romance is not inspiration; love stories are not motivational because the point of life is not new generation infatuation which is shows in this movie – it is good people around us who inspires us. This story is just a repetition and for some reason, it keeps coming at us again and again. Is it at least interesting? No.

mili (3)

Meanwhile, this movie has two leading star performers and there is no romance.

2. Not able to connect with the characters: The hero of this movie is like Nivin Pauly of Oru Vadakkan Selfie, the only difference is that the person here tries to study and finish his course while Umesh played by Nivin decides not to study the course which he didn’t liked and failed in it. But he was a realistic character and we could relate to so many things that he was shown doing. But the hero Ved played by Ranbir Kapoor is not a realistic character at all. The way of showing his whole life as a mechanical thing further reiterates the fact it is not real, but created – the situations are also unreal, made for the person and not for the story which fails.

3. Not at all believable or likable: Both main characters in the movie are not likable. Their attitude towards a man in France for not knowing English, lets us know that everyone should learn English or get lost; where is the chance to be different there? Then, the use of the ridiculous jokes spoil most of the time in France, and in the end, the meet up in Japan for no reason. The protagonist even refuses to keep the lift’s door open for an elder lady and acts like a psycho in front of his boss for no reason; he wants people not to ask “How are you?” because he doesn’t like it – so much for freedom. There is no reason for people to connect with this movie – yes, we are all different, but thankfully, there is nobody like these people here, and I will thank God about the world around me.

4. There are so many better inspirational movies: We had the highly inspirational Queen last year, and then there was How Old Are You? in Malayalam and 36 Vayadhinile as its version in Tamil. This year had three movies Mili, Rani Padmini and Su Su Sudhi Vathmeekam as the highly motivational flicks which worked with perfect does of inspiration. The good thing about these movies is that none of these have romance, and even with the comedy and the light-hearted feeling, these are serious about what they deal with, and they are about the lives of the common man, not someone who keeps traveling all around the world like the one percent because movie’s producer has extra money.

ranipadmini (1)

Like in Queen, two leading ladies can make it work; skip romance and foreign countries.

5. The unexpected burial of the idea: The death and burial of this idea to be ourselves and do what we love in favour of melodrama, makes sure that it never really touches the heart. I usually get attracted to these types of movies with messages, but this one shows us no middle path, and provides us with the opportunity to be a robot or someone who is fair to one’s family – can’t one be both? In this year’s three Malayalam movies, there were the characters Mili, Rani, Padmini and Sudheendran who could be both! A good number of real inspirational movies have given me the idea that if I respect and accept others along with being different, I won’t be a robot. I apologize for being too traditional for your taste, but that is what I am, and I shall not walk away from my values.

***The images used in this blog post are from the official Facebook Pages of these movies. I love movies with inspirational messages, others which make us think and those which provide some fun, but not those movies which fail in doing all of these. I suggest that you don’t advice me on this matter because I am very much angry and frustrated about spending a hundred rupees on this movie. This film has left me in depression. Along with that, for us who have watched Anarkali, Ennu Ninte Moideen and Premam, there is that fake romantic angle.

TeNy

Conversion or Transformation?

Dark Eldar: No, you can’t take care of our dying. It is not fair. As the leader of all eldar kind, I prohibit the same. I have even prepared a long list of the things that I don’t allow and published it as a book. You can buy it from the book shop for three hundred and ninety nine gold coins.

Vampire Bat: What? Why? We have come all the way to the other world after going through twenty four portals of hell just to take care of these people, especially of your uncle and your grandfather.

Dark Eldar: We are the eldars, the oldest group of people in the world. We have doubts that our people will be converted from our worship of coffee to your religion of tea, which is unacceptable. May be you are terrorists too, how can we be sure as you worship something else?

Vampire Bat: You are accusing us of conversion and terrorism just because we belong to another religion?

Dark Eldar: Yes, we eldars are very much an elder race. We are so old and awesome that it amazes me.

Vampire Owl: I think he is dead.

Dark Eldar: No, don’t touch him; wait, yes you can touch him and try healing without converting. No vampire conversions here.

Vampire Bat: It is a vampire transformation. Not conversion. It is also done by biting. What is wrong with you people?

Vampire Owl: Yes, he is dead. Congratulations.

[A team of people armed with claws and swords comes in, and the eldars get their wand-guns and knives ready].

Vampire Crocodile: Is that a werewolf?

Eldars have advanced weaponry, but still your hostile neighborhood extremists.

Eldars have advanced weaponry, but they are still your hostile neighborhood extremists.

Werewolf Anger: I am the leader of Werewolf South Squadron 47. You can call me Anger.

Vampire Owl: I could have easily guessed that name. You look very angry. But are the werewolves always very angry? So I wouldn’t consider that a nice name for a werewolf standing among many werewolves. I can call you all with the name Anger.

Werewolf Anger: Forget my name. You can call me Master Tintu instead. I am here for the dead grandfather. Any questions?

Vampire Crocodile: What do they call you when you are not angry? It is unfair to call you angry when you are slightly less angry because when compared to the standard werewolf anger, that should be too less to be officially called anger.

Werewolf Anger: What? I hate these religious fundamentalists who are not of my religion. We, the worshippers of lime juice are offended by the tea and coffee drinkers. Now, any questions which are not related to my name or any type of anger?

Dark Eldar: I am not going to ask any questions. See, my dear fellow eldars; he is too stupid, like an eldar without his magic wand. He doesn’t even know that this is our dead body.

Werewolf Anger: How can you say that? No, this is our dead body.

Dark Eldar: Shut up. This is our dead body. Ours, ours, ours.

Vampire Bat: One question. Isn’t this actually the dead person’s dead body?

Vampire Crocodile: Wow! What a question. This is why I have joined the vampire team.

Dark Eldar: He is our great grandfather. How can his dead body be not ours? He is a martyr for our Great Eldar Religion.

Werewolf Anger: No, he was bitten by a werewolf last night. He was going to convert into a hybrid werewolf tonight. So, he is our dead body, and the martyr of the Legendary Werewolf Religion.

Vampire Bat: Why do you people keep using the word conversion? People transform into vampires, werewolves and even eldars.

Dark Eldar: Dude, it is the new trend. If we say conversion, things sound pretty cool.

Werewolf Anger: Your grandfather was going for a homecoming, Mr. Eldar. Accept it. He has a bloodline of werewolves through his mother’s side.

Dark Eldar: Forced conversion! He had already returned home with the “home return programme”. You bit him and tried to convert him, you religious fundamentalists of lime juice.

Werewolf Anger: He came to us and asked to convert him. This is voluntary conversion. It is you who do forcible conversions.

Dark Eldar: No, we take only those people who were always ours; its a re-conversion.

Werewolf Anger: Nonsense. We have copyright for all re-conversions in all known dimensions of the Southern Realm.

Dark Eldar: Do you remember what happened at Satyrisya?

Werewolves are always ready to pounce on others, just waiting for the right opportunity.

Werewolves are always ready to pounce on others, just waiting for the right opportunity.

Werewolf Anger: Don’t you dare to say even one word about Satyrisya.

Dark Eldar: Why? Did you receive Satyrisya as a reward for forcibly converting all the poor satyrs of the Ting-tong forests?

Vampire Bat: People with brains have the tendency to explore other religions. Intellectual people can’t stay at a point and blindly follow the ideas of just one religion and surely can’t stand its extremists who come up with hate speech. Conversion is one’s personal decision. Why are you so much bothered about it when it happens between almost all big enough religions?

Werewolf Anger: I am Anger.

Vampire Crododile: Everybody knows that already.

Werewolf Anger: I am just saying that to remind myself about it as I was brainwashed by religious fundamentalists and got some major memory problems. I am just left with one doubt – is it eating potato chips that we have banned or was it about tapioca chips? I am actually kind of hungry angry.

[A group of zombies enter through the window].

Lich Queen: Am I late? My zombie minions wanted to have ice cream on the way. I am looking for a dead grandfather.

Vampire Bat: Meet Miss Lichie, the Great Queen of the zombie underworld. They believe in ice cream and its greatness.

Vampire Owl: I have just received the text message that a group of mutants are heading this way, lead by a Professor XYZ. They are holding flags with beer cans printed on them.

Vampire Crocodile: Damn. Here we go again.

*A few parts of some dialogues were inspired by the Malayalam movie Sandhesam, the best political satire ever produced in India and the flick is also part of IBN Live’s list of greatest Indian films of all time. ***Please don’t consider this as anti-religion, but as anti-extremist concerning the haters. This is exactly how you sound like when you fight over religion – please don’t discriminate by religion and pray to God that you may be granted the wisdom to know about the same and love your fellow human beings! *The images used in this blog post are from http://hdwallpapersfactory.com/

TeNy