***Kitty Newspaper from the Cat World lead by Simona the little big cat.
Simona tells the press about what she should be called.
Throughout the press meet, she was called Simona the Kitty, and the Little One and it didn’t go well with the self-proclaimed grown up cat. Simona has told the journalists that it has been very difficult being called little one, kitten or kitty. It makes her feel very small and she doesn’t want to considered the little one by both humans and cats. As she is still not that big enough, she has accepted to be called Simona the little big cat, instead of Simona the kitty. She has informed the different cat groups and organizations to accept that change. A number of other cats have also asked for similar things to be added to their names as the trend has already started.
Remake Drishyam for cats; movie loving felines file petition.
There are a good number of movie loving cats in this world, and the same has been proven by a new gang of cats. The petition was initiated by Simona who gave them that idea, and she has also promised moral support for the same. All the cats have heard about Drishyam so many times until the recent Hindi remake and know that there are five versions of the same, which has inspired them to ask for another version for the cats. The interesting thing about this exclusive news is that some of the big cats like lions, tigers, jaguars, leopards, cheetahs and cougars have also decided to sign the petition if their smaller feline brothers and sisters can bring it to the wilderness and the zoos. The cinema lovers have expressed satisfaction over the fantastic response.
Cat gang asks for the title, the Spider-Slayer.
Simona has just recently finished murdering one hundred insects in total, out of which, fifty percent are spiders. She has displayed special skills in catching spiders, cockroaches and even lizards, even though humans have rarely recognized it. Due to the same reason, she has asked for the title, the Spider-Slayer and a memento in the shape of a tuna or sardine to be provided to the cats thanking them for their service. She has shown the statistics that the number of spiders and cockroaches in households has reduced significantly, and lizards have mostly boycotted homes because of the cat efforts. She asks humans to show some appreciation for the free service that they are receiving.
Cats demand special ships to the United States.
There is no other cat who has been loved by the cats of the area than the Grumpy Cat whom they address as Sir Tardar Sauce. Yesterday, a number of cats gathered outside the town hall and demanded for special ships for them to see their hero and demigod. They have also asked for a special subsidy for the same, as this journey also has a certain religious and educational significance. A lot of cats have also decided to learn sculpture so that an image of the great celebrity cat could be created for them. They have threatened the Municipal Chairman that they will talk about this to his wife who is a big animal lover having two cats at her ancestral home.
Lift the ban, asks a furious Simona.
A very angry Simona and her followers disrupted the monthly cat meetings today, hearing news about the porn ban as prawn ban. She said that just like there was news about beef ban at some part of the countrty, the anti-cat government is intentionally trying to deprive the cats off their food items. She added that if the cat-kind won’t protest right now, the next ban will be on chicken and soon they will be left with no option but to eat grass. She said that this is an indirect attack on the cat kind, unlike the direct one which happens in Australia. She has asked for a cat strike, the first feline harthal ever on a day next week. Even after knowing the correct spelling, she has decided to continue with the strike in support of freedom.
Cats decide to team up with cows temporarily.
Despite the common disagreement which the two teams have had about banning beef, cats and cows have decided to come up with a union intended for providing cats with fresh milk rather than the packet milk which the humans provide. As the cats demand healthier diet, the cows have agreed to the same because the incidents related to stray dog attacks on the cattle has been very high. A veteran cat team of ten will be assigned to guard each cow. An extension of the same, a certain lower range protection will be given to the bulls who demand the same. The cats hope to come up with similar agreements with buffalloes and goats and are training in special martial arts.
Cat extremists call for a “go back to Persia movement”.
Worried about the rising number of Persian cats in the houses, some of the local cats have called for a “go back to Persia movement” and has said that those humans who don’t like it can also go to Persia. One of the cats were heard quoting “Why are they here? They don’t belong here. We are the true Indian nationalist cats. Some of these cats are even called Himalayan? They can’t do that. The Himalayas belong to us only. They should rename these cats are Damavand, Kholeno or something else”. But Simona has declared these ideas as rubbish, and has told the media that there is no need to listen to these extremists because all cats are equal, it is towards this equality that she and her team has been moving.
***The images used in this blog post were taken by me on my Asus Zenfone 5.