Simona Times: Kochi Edition

I hereby present the first edition of Simona Times, the first full kitten newspaper from Central Kerala. There has been a great protest among the cat community as they have felt that the cats are being avoided and people are just loving the dogs. They have made it clear that it is disappointing that some dogs even have a better status than humans. It is against this discrimination, that the self-proclaimed leader of the Kerala Cat Community, Simona came up with a petition in which she got the finger prints of all cats of Kerala without any discrimination on the basis of gender, colour and meow dialects.

The number of protests has only been increasing these days, and unless justice is served, the cats hope to take to the next level. Another indirect result of these cat movements and revolutions is the publication of Simona Times. Simona works as the reporter and editor of the newspaper with special support from two unknown cats about whom no information is provided. Each and every day and night, Simona goes out for four hours to collect information about the lives of the cats around. International Cat Community has allocated special fund and appreciation for the same.

Full News:

Control the dog lovers, Simona tells the common man.
For the last few days, dog lovers have been racially abusing Keralites for no reason while using lies, and related to the same, Simona has declared full support to Kerala’s common man. She has demanded prison forΒ those stray dogs which have been chasing the little kittens, and has offered her help in identifying the worst among them who have hurt human children. She also talks about a few animal lovers who have asked the common men to get rid of cats and get dogs instead. She adds that these dog lovers who show so much hateΒ should not be allowed to affect the decisions of the common man.

Simona denies the existence of her viral childhood photo.
A photo when Simona was a little kitten has been spreading rapidly through the internet. People have been talking about how cute she was, and that there is no better looking little kitten and a lot of them have shared it on their Facebook, Google Plus and Tumblr profiles. But Simona has completely denied that she ever looked like that. She has declared that she has always been a big, strong cat. She often tell the stories about how she has scared the dogs of the neighbourhood with a special form of cat martial arts, which she calls Simonatica Meowzikia.

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The old photo of Simona the Kitty which she denies to be of her.

Cats ask to be declared as a subdivision of vampire species.
With dogs getting all the special reservation status here, many cat communities have been asking for a separate status. As most of the humans are going for dogs, cats are looking to join the vampire subdivision so that they will be better appreciated as part of the group better. Vampires are known to love cats more, and with wolves replacing the dogs in vampire territory, cats have more opportunities serving the undead world. Some of the cats are already working as a connection between this world and the other, and the cats are hoping to make it official.

Humans preparing fish at home to be rewarded by local cat committees.
This news had spread very fast, and a lot of jealous dogs had protested against the same. As humans have been eating less fish and are deviating towards having chicken, mutton, beef and duck, the organization of local cat committees have asked humans to choose fish instead and be rewarded. The committee has offered free mouse search at each and every house which has fish at least once a week. Some of the bigger cats have even offered protection against the snakes. More fish means more service, and there are new advertisements being set up related to the same.

Cat revolutionaries ask for security posts in guarding zapota and guava.
The Cat Revolutionary Movement has recently gained a lot of supporters among the common cat community. It has actually become so popular that even the breeds from outside have asked for a special membership status. Their most recent demand is for jobs. As dogs have been ineffective in guarding zapota and guava from the bats, the cat revolutionaries have offered humans their service in return for fish. Simona has declared that cats are the only true hunters who can save humans and their property from the dangerous flying creatures in return for just fish and nothing else.


A video of Simona and a bat above proving her skills.

TeNy

29 thoughts on “Simona Times: Kochi Edition

  1. And I was waiting for this edition to be released ever since I saw her Youtube gimmick on FB πŸ˜€ Don’t know about Bambie but I’m seriously in love with the kitty! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

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