I have nightmares every night. It is as if I belong to them. The nightmare creatures come to me and gives me a wake up call in the middle of the night. Sometimes they create the good dream to which the nightmares are injected, like a plague virus in a needle to slowly transform them to the new form. Otherwise, they come directly, making a stand to my already existing meaningless world, and successfully haunts each and every moment of them. *All images used in this blog post are from the official page of Diablo game.
I have seen the demons in my nightmares for years now, and it hasn’t been a big problem for me. They rarely scare me with their methods, and there is nothing in The Conjuring, Insidious and Annabelle to come into my already dreadful nightmares. There is a lot of variety in the mutant creatures, demons, monsters and even some presence that I had my nightmares about. I have imagined a lot more than just that. But no, they are not the ones who scare me anymore.
The creatures rarely come into my nightmares these days. May be they have felt that they are not good enough anymore as they have been replaced, as the past and the present run wild like a river in the rainy season, bringing up the old and the new generations of human presence here, troubling the sleep like never before. They are not the ones that can be taken care of, as they exist and show their presence in real life. They are like forever, the hounds of eternity in human form.
They are the ones who advice and scold like bloody cyclops who accidentally got lucky as their sons or daughters somehow got out of the monstrous self, and became the kind of people who have been going on like those politicians of Athens, but are being compared to the Oracle of Delphi. Now, it is them who come in the nightmares, and devil has decided to recall his minions and take the backseat. The uncles and aunties talking nonsense in the nightmares – this is not even a creative nightmare! The years that I have spent in obedience are coming back to hurt me.
I didn’t know that getting a job was the most important thing in the world. If I had known that, I would have stopped my studies much earlier. I thought that education was more important, that learning was the significant thing, and the only thing that can help me in future life. But it turns out that nobody really cares about learning, and the only thing that mattered was how much money I could make. When I hope to study and try a few exams in hope to get a job, there is the attempt to take that away; to get a job out thin air – who am I? a sorcererer? I am going to be judged further and further, and everyone around me is a judge.
It is what being jobless brings. These people who blames you twenty four hours a day, seven days a week and three hundred and sixty five days an year. Whenever they come anywhere close to you, there is the realization that they are going to talk about why their sons and daughters are so awesome, and how you are so pathetic and disgusting because you don’t have a job. The result is that you can’t think properly, can’t make any decision with not even able to do what you have been good at, and leaves you in anxiety and fear.
Along with the inability to even read anything with concentration, it leaves you doubtful about your own abilities, not sure what to do, and the end product of these is the nightmares. The end product of the same is sleepless nights; I can’t even remember when was the last night I could go smoothly without the nightmares. They come to me in the nightmares, and wake me up many times a night. Sometimes, there is falling from the bed, and I lose count how many times my head and shoulders hit the floor. Does the shampoo with the same have the ability to any favour? I wonder.
One hope: A possible future peace of mind, and may be I can write a number of tests and get a job.