So many years have passed since Albert Einstein came up with that theory of relativity, and even now it is thrown at us through the science fiction movies like Interstellar. Remember those theories that we hated in Physics? Well, I don’t usually remember the theories that I hate, especially belonging to Physics and Mathematics, but here is one exception, as for me, it becomes more of a theory of Philosophy than Physics.
This different thing, the new derivative is called the Theory of Relative-IT. This theory brings to light a problem rather than bringing a solution to anything. It acknowledges the trouble of the common man, the person who hasn’t studied IT, but has got many relatives in that field. The concepts introduced by the Theory of Relative-IT includes the following, but is not limited to them, and are open to further additions:
1. Measurements of various qualities of a person are dependent on the velocities of older observers. In particular, it includes the parents of those working in the IT field.
2. All other courses (not including medicine and other engineering fields) should be combined together and should be considered inferior to IT.
3. The power of IT is nonetheless beyond all comparisons, and is always the most superior thing, considered with that much respect as one would have for medicine.
Applications of the Theory in human life (Warning: Fictional situations and parts of my nightmares included):
Aunt no.1: Your life is wasted because you didn’t study engineering like my son. Look how well he is doing. See the girl in the neighbourhood with twenty five back papers. Even she is doing so well. After all, she is an engineer too.
And I remembered the Theory of Relative-IT, and that it was beginning to affect me like garlic on a vampire. But the silver bullets and the stake through the heart are yet to arrive. I am pretty sure that even that Oracle of Delphi could have predicted this.
Uncle no.1: You have one big fault.
I wondered what I was doing so wrong, and I thought it was going to make me a better person; but then the words of wisdom came out.
Uncle no.1 (continues): You didn’t study engineering. So you don’t have a job. It is ruining you right there. You should have studied engineering, and even if you had back papers, you would have had a job by now. My son already had two jobs in the IT field and is not at his third.
Uncle no.2: See, everyone including your cousins younger than you are now married. You should have tried engineering or medicine, and you would have been working and married by now. Why would someone study arts? It is rubbish. Do you know how ridiculous it is when the elder cousins get married before you do?
Uncle no.3: May be you should study BEd. It is your only hope now. Then, may be you can somehow get into a low class school and teach the students. But even then, you shouldn’t have taken language. Anybody can teach language. Social science is so stupid. You should have taken Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry, Zoology or Botony even in that case.
Aunt no.2: Why should he do anything now. It is quite certain that he won’t get a job now. He will simply waste his time, thats all he can do with a Masters in English. He should do some business instead. If he was any good, he would have gone for engineering or medicine. He doesn’t even have an MBA. Everyone has an MBA. What is it that he can do that engineers can’t?
Uncle no.4: How can we blame him though? We are all just average and below average people in intellect. It is a great achievement that we have engineers in our family. Nobody thought that it was possible. He will never get a job, and will remain just another post-graduate of no use. I think we should live with it and concentrate on getting our engineers married to high families so that we will have good connections with big, respected, rich families.
Aunt no.3: This is exactly what we should do. Lets put the profiles of our engineers in the matrimony websites and get them married. After all, only engineers are worthy people. Who cares about the rest. Look at these people studying B.Com, BSW and BBA – whats the point? Lets make sure that the families that we find also have enough people in the IT field. A certain number of doctors will also be nice. It doesn’t matter if they are good or bad, no problem if they are anti-social; they just need to be of these fields.
Dad: There are so many people in the IT field that I know. I am proud of all of them. They are so awesome. They are so brilliant. I should go to their houses and congratulate them every-time they come home. They should be given the hero’s welcome every time they arrive at the railway station. They are the only intelligent people in our family because they belong to the IT field. Why would anybody study anything else?
This is indeed why Suarez bites people. This is also why aliens won’t talk to us. This means we are no longer the favourites of the Divine One. This is also a reason for Uncle Dracula not to retire from his biting business. My prayer to God these days is this: “Never provide a good person who takes a graduation in the arts subjects with a relative who is in the IT field”. The relative-IT is a dangerous and terrible situation. It is disappointing and makes you hopeless. It makes you not want to live life like you should. It is like putting ice in a fire-breathing dragon’s mouth. I wonder what would Albert Einstein say about this Theory of Relative-IT.